GREENSBORO, N.C. — When we hear the phrase “home for the holidays,” we tend to think of relatives you don’t typically see getting together throughout the year. We’re adding a little twist to this phrase; we’re talking about your college kids or young adult kids who live on their own and come back home for the holidays. You’ve missed them while they’ve been at school, but within a couple of days into their holiday break, you might wonder if it’s time for them to go back. Why? Because you’re noticing differences in them that weren’t there a few months ago.
Your college student has gotten a taste of independence and freedom over the past few months, and when they come home, they’re still living their college lifestyle. If their lifestyle is different and doesn’t follow family rules, there can be some friction.
Differences that change the family status quo can be disruptive. For example, your college students might sleep until 2 pm and grab something to eat as they walk out the door at 4 pm to hang out with friends for the night. Maybe they leave their stuff all over the house. And when you ask for them to clean it up, they say “later.” Or, they ask you to help them by doing X, Y, and Z, which they’re more than capable of doing. If they treat the family home as a hotel, it’s sure to rub some parents wrong.
Talk to them if you don’t like the changes, you’re seeing in your college student. Let them know that they can still be independent, and family oriented at the same time. While they’re home, you’d like them to do X, Y, and Z. Normally, they’re not doing it on purpose or trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. If your talk doesn’t change their behavior, you might have to have a more serious talk, which may or may not involve consequences.
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