GREENSBORO, N.C. — Today is National Spouses Day—a day to recognize the joys and challenges of being with your spouse. As much as you might want to celebrate happiness, it's important to realize that not every day is sunshine and roses. During these tough moments, you'll need to pull together to keep the flame burning bright.
It's important to focus on the positive in marriage. Focusing on happiness is easy when everything is great between you two. During the tough moments when they've said or done something hurtful, you can get lost in the negative emotion and forget about all the good things they've done. Anger tends to cloud your judgment because it tends to stem from something you value in your marriage, and you feel like it's threatened.
Some people ignore angry feelings because they don't want more problems. Anger is a natural emotion, and it's okay to get angry at your spouse. The struggle is to refuse to let your anger define the tension and your relationship. You have to find positive, nonharmful ways to deal with your anger constructively. You can't expect negative behavior, such as demeaning, name-calling, or cursing at your spouse, to be okay just because you're angry. You don't get a pass because you're angry. You have to treat your spouse respectfully regardless of your emotional state. Just because you don't like their behavior doesn't mean that you can be mean to them to regain the upper hand or try to control their behavior. Both of you will eventually become resentful.
Let me give you an example of a way to focus on the positive when you're angry at your spouse. Let's say they say something or do something you find disrespectful, making you angry. As you're dealing with your anger and trying to resolve the situation with them, think about something you love about them or something they've done that you're grateful for. It sounds counterintuitive, I know. Thinking about something positive can cut into the negativity you're feeling now.
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